If it rained tonight
I’d lie down
For a thousand years.
—As if nothing had happened;
As if the story
Wouldn’t tell itself forever:
No more mother, no remembered loves, and my pulse
Purified, the only sound
As I lowered myself into the depths…
But the bells are ringing up the hill,
Recounting all the arguments against me.
If I’ve created the story of my life,
Why not the story
Of not having ever lived at all?
Maybe then there wouldn’t be this burden
Of what was lost
Almost before it had arrived.
Maybe then there wouldn’t be this weight
Of what is
And what I can feel myself already losing.